"Papa never says ‘I love you.’ But he wakes up at 5 a.m. to drop me to the airport"
"Mine doesn’t ask how I’m doing. He just sends me WhatsApp forwards about vitamin D"
If you’re a South Asian child - immigrant or not - chances are, your dad has never said the words. Not because he doesn’t feel them. But because he doesn’t know how. On the outside, he may seem distant.
But look closer and you’ll see his love coded into everyday rituals:
The 4-second call to ask, “Pahunch gaye?”
The quiet pressure to take a jacket, even when it’s 27 degrees.
The gas tank magically filled every time you borrow the car.
It’s love. Just…unsaid.
This Father’s Day, let’s talk about it.
The Silence That Shaped a Generation
South Asian fathers, particularly of the older generation, were raised in a world where emotions weren’t encouraged especially for men.
A 2023 study titled “Gender Stereotypes, Societal Pressure and Emotional Expression among Men” found that emotional suppression is strongly linked to higher stress and anxiety among Indian men yet most were never taught another way.
Add to that the immigrant experience - new country, high expectations, limited emotional vocabulary and you get dads who show up, but don’t speak up.
Still Waters Run Deep: What Dads Don’t Say, But Mean
We often misread this silence.
We assume, “He doesn’t care"
But silence doesn’t equal absence.
Our dads may not write long birthday captions or initiate heart-to-hearts.
But they love fiercely - in actions, not announcements.
Love looks like:
Cutting fruit and handing it without a word.
Sitting in the same room quietly while you study.
Calling just to ask if you’ve eaten and hanging up right after.
They may never say “I’m proud of you” But they show their pride in how they talk about you to others.
The Gentle Shift: A New Generation of Emotionally Aware Fathers
The good news? Change is already blooming. As per a recent study, many second-generation South Asian American fathers are actively trying to break the silence - speaking emotions out loud, learning to say “I love you,” or simply asking their children how they’re doing, without rushing to fix things. It’s not rebellion. It’s evolution. They are not replacing the old way. They’re adding to it.
Why This Matters for Healing
At TheraWin, we’ve seen this first-hand: "He still doesn’t say much. But I know he loves me"
These aren’t just stories. They’re common threads.
Because even if our dads never said it, we heard the silence.
And sometimes, that silence shaped how we love, how we cope, and how we parent.
Therapy can be the place where we gently unravel that silence - not to blame, but to understand.
Final Thought: Love Doesn’t Have to Be Loud to Be Real
This Father’s Day, don’t force a speech.
Just notice the quiet ways your dad loved you.
Maybe you’ll send him a message.
Maybe you’ll just call and ask if he’s eaten.
Or maybe, like him, you’ll show it in your own unsaid way.
Because love - even when unsent - still arrives.
Ready to unpack your relationship with love, silence, and legacy? At TheraWin, we offer therapy that honors culture without silencing emotion. Let’s help you carry forward what serves you and let go of what doesn’t.
Start your journey here → therawin.health
